Tuesday, 24 August 2010

aku adalah esmayus

I'm esmayus azizan... In the entire world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone choose it. I own everything about me; my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions; whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By doing so, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am ME, and I am OK.


Hati. Tak siapa tahu apa yang ada dalam hati setiap manusia yang hidup. Rambut sama hitam. Tapi hati pasti lain. Bila di tanya " Awak ok ke?" " Betol ni awak ok?". Mulut menjawab "Ye,saya ok" bersama senyuman di bibir. Namun di hati? Hanya Dia yang tahu.

Hati. Sangat susah untuk menjaga setiap hati orang-orang di sekeliling kita. Mampukah kita menggembirakan dan menyenangkan setiap hati mereka? Ya. Mungkin kita mampu, akhirnya kita sendiri yang terpaksa membelakangkan hati dan melukai hati kita sendiri. Adil kah itu??????.. Adakah seumur hidup kita, kita perlu melukakan hati kita sendiri demi orang sekililing?

Hati. Amat sukar ditafsir melalui riak wajah. Kadang-kadang, hati ini terlalu sedih. Tapi kita gagahkan juga untuk mengukir senyuman di bibir demi orang sekeliling. Kadang-kadang hati ini remuk dan hancur, namun kita masih kuat untuk menidakkannya dengan berkata "Saya ok."

Akhirnya, kita lah yang terpaksa menjahit, menampal, mencantumkan balik hati kita yang telah hancur dek kerana terpaksa menggembirakan hati insan lain. Kita lah yang akan memujuk sendiri hati ini untuk redha dengan apa jua yang terjadi. Walau itu bukan apa yang kita inginkan, bukan apa yang kita rancang. Kerana setiap apa yang berlaku itu ada hikmahnya.

Namun persoalannya, kenapa perlu kita yang sentiasa menjaga hati orang-orang sekeliling? Mengapa tidak mereka yang cuba memahami keadaan dan situasi kita? Hati kita siapa yang akan menjaganya? Persoalan yang mungkin belum bertemu jawapannya..

renung-renungkan lah....

Monday, 9 August 2010

Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz ft. Ludacris


Okay seriously, I went for a walk in the rain, just for some peace and quiet.
Well, anyway there was some pretty torrential rain, which i hadn't expected.
I was kinda wearing short shorts, uggs(not waterproof :s ), and a jacket.
That was it.
And then some idiots come driving up to me and are like "excuse me, where's bozeat?"
So I'm just like, "here.", and give him the "you are an idiot" look.
Anyway, so they drive away and everything's okay.
Then they come back the same road, so I'm thinking these guys are pretty damn stupid.
Then I had a proper look a them, and they're these 2 17-ish year olds (I'm not gonna lie, they were pretty cute(that was for the females reading)).
Then one of them goes "how old are you?"
So I was like "19".
And then he says "oh."

Oh, i'm sorry, how thoughtless of me to not have been born a few years earlier.
Please, take it up with my parents.

Anyway, I guess it just pissed me off that I can't even go out for a walk anymore without having my age thrown in my face?!?
OMG, its bad enough getting it from him.